I read a quote today that said unless my hero is a sociopath, characters have to face tough question and come to realisations that cause change. I would argue that even sociopaths must do this. I mean, look at Dexter - his life was one long shit storm of tough questions. The most important change is not necessarily in the character, but in the audience. Characters in a story  are really just mirrors of ourselves, and their journey a proxy for the ones we wish we could take, without having to face any real danger, heartache, pain or failure. Because in stories heroes always overcome their obstacles, or at the very least learn some important lesson that makes life worthwhile or perhaps just helps make sense of the world and our existence. In real life that's not always the case.

I find that my health challenges have really robbed me of my brain and mind. Writing is such an arduous task. I have trouble keeping all the balls in the air when constructing plot and character.  My mind just can't keep up, can't hold all the information together at the same time. So what I write is no longer as good as what I have come to expect of myself. As much as I hate lowering my standards, I think that I should just try to keep writing. Maybe every story needn't be a work of genius, maybe sometimes it's just what I was able to tell, with honesty and truth. Unless I'm telling myself this in order to let myself off the hook and not try my damnedest...
I want to write stories that entertain, inspire and transcend the mundane, stories that remind us that we are all part of the same human condition. Whether or not the world considers my work any good or even pays it any attention is essentially beyond my control.

I must remember to be kind to myself. Thoughts can be so destructive. I repeat them enough times, they become true and my brain has effectively been rewired. Let's not continue to break what is already broken. I must not destroy my spirit by constantly thinking about all the things that have and are crushing me.