1st January 2015

Happy new year to me! I hope I will feel better this year. I hope I will regain a new sense of happiness and joy. I hope I will find new purpose and meaning. I hope I will untangle all the thoughts in my head and feelings in my heart. And I hope that I once again can be the Marianne that everyone around me misses. Someone who has more energy, so I have enough to share with others and not just keep myself afloat. But I also hope that I can be a new me. A new me that has a clearer sense of my boundaries, of what I can and can’t do, of what I want and don’t want, of what I need and don’t need. A new me who is wiser, calmer, more at peace. And perhaps a new me with new goals, new motivations, new ideals and new ambitions. I hope I will no longer ask of myself what is the point of this or that, nor think that nothing really matters. I hope I will find the things that DO make a difference and surround myself with things and people that make me happy and whom I make happy too. I hope I will remember to take baby steps. I hope I won’t fall into the trap of overwhelming myself. Of trying to do more than I can handle. I hope I will stop running myself into the ground. I hope I will tackle my anxiety and face my fears. I hope I will pursue a balanced life - between work and rest, ambition and joy, myself and family/friends. I hope to return to a healthy diet and exercise routine. No more sugar, so help me God. My body should be my temple. It’s the only one I have. I hope I will develop lasting means of coping that will keep me strong and grounded. I hope the stress and anxiety will disappear. I hope that the little voice inside me will stop saying I am not good enough. I hope it will go silent.